To my husband who has T1

Just over three years ago you were diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 31.

I still remember the phone call. This must be a mistake, right? We both agreed it was a mistake. You are healthy. You never get sick. What even is Type 1 diabetes? It is definitely a mistake. 

But there was no mistake.

How will you prick your finger multiple times a day? Every day, forever? How do you count carbs? What is a hypo? Insulin. Needles. Pumps. Trackers. It was a new world. You are such a foodie. Not you. Don’t let this happen to you! 

Scared, overwhelmed, confused, and angry.

Three years on and I am so amazed and inspired every day by the way you manage and live with this disease. You go about it with little complaint & always strive to be the best you can be despite the challenges. You have shown me we are all capable of far more than we can imagine.

But regardless of how well you manage it, I still see you.

I see the frustration when you wake up in the morning and your levels are high. I see you questioning. What did I eat again last night? How many units of insulin did I take? Is it my stress levels? It’s impossible all the numerous factors that may have impacted it. And then you need to decide what to do to move forward, what to have for breakfast, to find balance in your levels again 

I watch someone ask you whether you’d like another drink I can see your mind calculating the impact that one more drink may have, based on the food that’s just been eaten or the insulin just taken. Of course your friend asking doesn’t understand. You politely decline.

I wake up at 1am. I can hear sounds in the kitchen, “are you ok?” I whisper, “it’s just another hypo, I’ll be alright in a minute” as you eat 4 more squares of chocolate and two slices of toast in the quiet of the night. 

We arrive at your parents’ house and your levels are so high you feel really off. You don’t say anything.  I can see you are thinking about the poor carbohydrate calculation you made earlier. I can see you are finding it hard to socialise. But you push on. I want to scream that it’s not your fault. 

I want to fix it for you. I want to take away all the highs and lows.

Research has shown that type 1 diabetics face an average of 180 decisions each day around how to manage their condition and keep blood sugar levels in check. I see this every day. You go about it quietly with most people never noticing or understanding.  And even for me, living beside you, I will never truly understand what it is like for you.

To my husband and all the type 1 diabetics out there living with this every day. You are all so strong. You are all such inspirations. You are all champions.

My husband doesn’t feel like a champion. For him it is what it is.  Some days are good, and some aren’t.

I am so proud of him.