Dear four year old Paige
I’m Paige. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 4 years old back in 1997. Due to stigma that came with diabetes in my childhood, in my teenage years I hid it from those I met. I am now 28 years old, but at 19 I ended up writing a letter to myself to tell my friends I was diagnosed.
Dear four year old Paige.
What you are going through at the moment seems like a scary thing, scarier than getting lost in a supermarket and not being able to find mum but i want you to know that with your family by your bedside you will get through it.
Its the morning of Lucys birthday party which you have been excited for all week! you stayed at Dads house over night and you wet the bed for the fourth time this week. When Dad dropped you at home he went inside to speak to Mum for longer than he usually did. You will be wanting to go to Lucys when Dad asks you to prick your finger on his 'diabetes machine' usually you think its fun to test your finger but today you just don't want too. Dad will use the threat you can't go to the party until you test yourself so you agree. The look your Dad gives your Mum when he sees the machine registar 'HI' sets her into tears, you have no idea why she is crying but you know that since you did the test its time to go to the party. Dad drives you to the party, but mum stays at the party and watches your every move, you remember dad telling you not to eat many lollies so ofcourse you eat as many as you can! When the party is over Dad picks you and Mum up, he has a bag full of clothes and drives right past your house and up to the hospital. The doctors will all fuss over you and give you needles, you will hate the needles it will take Mum and atlease 7 doctors to hold you down and stop you kicking and punching, you will cry a lot with the needles over the next two weeks in hospital. Aunty Lynn will bring you play dough, you will think it is the best thing ever, Mum would never let you play with play dough in bed at home.
When you go back to school the teacher will remind you at 10am everyday to eat your fruit stick, Mum will be waiting outside your class every morning tea and lunch to test your sugar and make sure you eat enough. When you get to Grade 4 Mum says your old enough to test yourself at school. Kids won't hold your hand in kindergarten because there parents have told them you can catch Diabetes, this will make you sad and when you change schools in grade 4 you become extremely shy, you won't tell any of your new friends that you have Diabetes until later, this becomes a bad habit.You're invited to a lot of sleep overs as a child, but you won't go to many because Mum can't be there to test your sugars at 2am every morning, you usually sleep through these and you will hate it when you have to wake up to eat toast.
On your tenth birthday you will give yourself your first needle, you will feel proud. By the time you finish primary school you will have been admitted to hospital atlease ten times with hypos and ketones. You will have been told twice that you shouldn't be alive, and your Mum will call everyone to say their goodbyes. You will have hospitals fight over you for insurance reasons, and you will have the funniest looking ambulance officer ever. You will grow attached to your teddy bear because she can stay at the hospital with you and still smell like home. You will know the nurses by name and your favourite is Sue, anytime you are admitted to hospital she will get a tin of milo for you when you are low. You will learn a cold will send your sugar levels high, and that will make you extremely moody.You will work out that there is a big difference in BBQ sauce and Tomato sauce, and that BBQ will make you feel miserable in ten minutes. You will forget what normal fizzy drink and cordial taste like. And even though you already know the answer is no you will ask for a lolly every time you go to the supermarket. The easter bunny will stop bringing you chocolate, but you will get a toy instead you know this is because you are 'sick' but that's okay with you because you've wanted that toy for a while now. On your second day of high school you will be admitted to hospital for a suspected 'spider bite' after closer examination its actually gang green. you have to have it cut out this is more painful than any other needle you have ever had. you will spend a week off high school and be mad about it.
As you get older you will start to go and 'hang out' with your friends, instead of eating your McDonalds straight away, you will have to sit and work out what time it is and if you're allowed to eat yet. Your friends won't understand exactly when you say you still have to wait an hour for lunch and you will feel like a pain to them.
Having needles to you becomes like brushing your teeth, you just do it. You will hate blood test because they take time and you would rather just eat, you will get out of your year 10 exams but when you get to your year 12 exams you will start to stress, you will push your diabetes a side and stop taking blood test. This will send you out of control, you will get a hba1c level of 11 and get told you have stage one kidney failure. This will scare you, and you will try to get back on track, it will take a while. two years actually but you get there and you are Proud of yourself for the first time in a long time.
You will go overseas and have more trouble getting through customs than your friends, you will chase your dreams and have fun. You will climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge and go to many festivals like a normal teenager. You will mostly live a normal life, you had to grow up a little bit before your friends and you will know how to read a food label from the age of six. You will get out of sport class and be happy because you didn't like it most of the time anyway!
People will forever ask you 'does that hurt' 'can you eat that' and some people will even say 'I wish i had diabetes so i could eat in class'. Your body will go through many transformations some due to growing, some due to being diabetic. Your weight will forever go up and down, sometimes you will be size 10 and sometimes you will be size 14. Your eyes will grow black rings under them due to high sugar levels, you will get embarrassed and feel the need to wear make up to 'cover it'.
You will have many Educators, Dieticians and Specialist. You won't like most of them. You will find a doctor eventually, he will be amazing this will make you extremely happy. You will fall in love and be loved, You will get your heart broken, You will be happy, You will be Sad, You will laugh a lot, You will cry, You will get stressed, You will learn to be strong, You will get through it. always remember you are normal. :)
Love nineteen year old Paige.